Okay to be 105 by Feb 1st i need to lose 11 lbs in 15 days.
When i get to 105 i want to maintain it until the Snowball dance which is Saturday, February 10th. A week before then i have a gymnastics meet on the 3rd which i need to have all my strength for. So i will eat healthy the first 3 days of February. Then even though i want to be 105 at snowball, i will go back on my diet after the gymnastics meet and maybe reach 100 by that following saturday, not exactly likey, but it is possible. Basicially i just need to be a solid 100-105 by the end of February so i can play softball without being weak. I need to lose this weight by then and keep it off though because i dont want to be energy less for softball games and stuff, so i need to adjust my body to this now. Then after softball season is done done i will be running cross country. so it should be pretty easy to maintain my weight once i get there. but there in lies the problem, once i get there. i need to reach my goals first. So ya, im gonna go weigh myself to be accurate on this for looking back purposes. 115/116. K. today i hope to drop 2/3 lbs and weigh 113 tomorrow morning. I need to keep myself motivated so to remind myself, if i eat more that 1000 calories on any given day, i HAVE to puke. So i will never eat more than that while im trying to lose this weight because i promised Adam i would stop puking and i can't break promises. Well, i hope this works out well. Don't fail this time, you are a failure to yourself way to often. Currently i have been fasting for 18 hours.

ewwwww.
so i gained 5lbs...yuck yuck. i will fix it though.
bcuz i am fat and i need to lose more weight.
so tmr.
adams: 1 plate of food...(small portions!!) my g-mas...small plate of food...veggie tray and maybe some egg nog.
ya ya...today you sucked...so stop eating.
on monday only eat 1 plate of food at grandpas too & thats it. then tues dont eat at all and wednesday you may get a sub at subway if you would like. your extra 5lbs need to be lost be thursday.
dont fail!!!
you need to be a solid 105 by new years night which is sunday of course.
basicially >>
sun= 2 plates food
mon= 1 plates food
tues= nothing
weds= 1 meal
thurs=nothing
fri=small...think veggie
sat= 1 plate of food/meal
sun=1 meal...small
mon=new years...start off the year well with nothing!!! :)
yep. good deal. follow and you will be happy and 99.9% chance of sucess of a steady 105!!
keep posting!
anytime you wann eat tell yourself i am fat over and over and try and find a mirror if you can and remind yourself if you eat, you will only become fatter. do not convince yourself it is okay to eat. that will only make you ashamed and mad at yourself. even when your hungry...be strong, you dont need the food as bas as you need to be skinny.

so this whole week...like monday through thursday i ate a total of 2400 calories. and i was sick wednesday so i eneded up puking 3 times. today though i feel like shit bcuz ive been eating like crazy. its gay. but ya adam just called so ima go.

Today i had a total of 110 calories...go me!!
yay!! <33

so my boyfriend just called. Monday is his birthday. 17...one more year and hes legal. I am in somewhat of a sad mood now though because i knew that there where plans around his birthday to get drunk/high. He wasnt drunk, but he was high. I told him that i didnt want to talk to him and explained that i didnt want to be associated with him while that was taking place. He said he understood and by the end of the convo he admited that he relizes that hes growing up and he thinks hes past weed and getting high. He said tonight he was 5-/50, but of course he cant take the crap from his "boys" so ya know, what happens happens. I have told him before i dont care if he smokes weed i just dont want to be associated with him at that time. We will probably talk about it tomorrow when i go over to his house and later we are going out to eat to celebrate his birthday as well. I'm really glad he understood, but it still makes me sad. I feel like it is somehow my fault that it took place, although i know it wasnt at all. I feel like hurting myself, or just something so i dont have to think about it or wonder why. I always take other peoples issues out on myself and its like if i dont understand i get even more upset. It's retarded. Like i dunno, its kinda the same thing though i think because he knows that i take diet pills and i eat very little every day lately, but he dosent complain. I know he is watching out for me to make sure my weight dosent get to low, but he knows its not just about losing the weight and he has never told me to lose weight, he just accepts me for everything i am loves me either way, Which is the same thing for hime, but i dont think he would like it if i completly avoided eating around his parents or took diet pills before i hung out with him. which i never do...or even worse, went into his bathroom and purged after eating at his house. That is one thing i havent told him about yet, is that i puke too. It makes me feel better, ecspecially after i feel like ive just been stuffing my face full of shit. I plan on telling him tomorrow...but i dunno, we'll see i guess. he has to know sooner or later. Right now i have to finsh writing him a letter and stuff...like for his bday. so im gonna go. but for a quick re cap. I ate 700 cals today, danced for 30 minutes, and puked at like 7 pm. yep. thats basicially it. and i weigh 111, so i lost 2lbs!!

Current Location: my room
Current Mood: unsatisfied

It seems as though life is is going by soo slowly, every day drags on, but after the week is said and done i have no idea how friday has come so quickly. i remember nothing except that of very high importance. This is the result of diet pills and a low caloric intake along with vigorous excecising 3 times a week. no one knows...well not the severity of it atleast. my best friend knows...we're in it together, but she is struggling more than i am i think. My boyfriend also knows, but he too does not understand the severity.Lately though as my pants get bigger and everythings looser, he will offer me food and try to get me to eat the tinest bits. i just refuse. He accepts me despite this, but i know now that he sees i am getting serious, he too, like i is wondering how far im going to take this disease, and if im truly going to be rid of it ever again. Simply put thats all for now. It's 3 in the morning and my body cant struggle to stay awake any longer. night<333

Current Location: my room
Current Mood: tired
Current Music: none